you don't tell him that
by bibi 13ca
Summary: Elena's thoughts on the fact that Damon is dying because he got bitten by Tyler.


**Bibi: **_This is another collaboration story (mostly her) __**lacra13**__ again, not really my style, but hope you'll enjoy! I decided to post this on my page because she's new on this site and many readers don't go for writers they don't know. The A/N's are hers. _

**A/N**: So, this is a story on Elena's thoughts at the fact that Damon is dying, because he had been bitten by Tyler. I hope you will enjoy it. Don't forget, if you read it, might as well give your opinion on it, it will help me a lot, being a beginner at this and all!

This is dedicated to my friend (bibi 13ca). She told me I'm good at getting inside people's heads and she begged for a take on Elena. I hope it won't be a disappointment to you honey.

Oh and, I don't know if I'm supposed to do that, but, be warned, there's no 'happily ever after'…

You look at him…his dying, but you refuse to think about that, not _now_, not _yet_, you can't. His eyes are only half open. You're not sure he's able to see you, but you're sure he can feel you. He always feels you. He knows you're there, at least you hope he does.

His body's shivering and you want to hold him tight. You want to whisper in his ear, to tell him everything will be ok. You want to tell him that you'll save him, again. You want to walk your fingers across his jaw-line, his cheeks, his eyes…but you can't. Stefan is standing right behind you, so you don't follow your instincts. You pretend they are not there.

You take a deep breath and think about how you got here. Two years ago you were just a normal teenage girl in high school; dating the Capitan of the football team; you were a cheerleader, you loved it too; and your best friend wasn't a witch and your other best friend wasn't a vampire; your parents were your parents and your uncle was your uncle. Everything made sense and everything was so easy.

Now you're a doppelganger and the key to break an ancient curse; you're dating a vampire with a blood-drinking problem; you barely go to school, cause it's 'not safe'; it turned out you were adopted and your biological father is actually your uncle, who's also a vampire hunter; to top it all, one of your best friends and your aunt are _now_ vampires as well.

Your heart is broken and your soul it's in pain, because you love two men…two brothers. You love two beautiful and dangerous creatures of the dark that busted into your life and turned it upside-down. You don't regret it happened; you wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes you want to run away and forget about everything and anyone, but you can't…because you can't lose the way you feel about them.

You love Stefan. You love Stefan because he's sweet and caring. He saved your life…that night…the night of that terrible, terrible accident that took them away from you, so soon, too soon. You love Stefan because he's a lot like you. Looking after the people he cares about, putting others before himself, always careful not to hurt anyone. You love him because you owe him so much; because he saved you…pulled you out of your misery right after your parents' death. You love him because he chose to bury the monster deep inside and hold on to his human side with everything he had.

You love Damon. You love Damon because he's the exact opposite of his brother. You love his passion and his determination. You love his stubbornness, it resembles yours…it matches yours. You _respect_ the way he always fights for what he believes in, no matter what. You love the constant danger that floats around him, because it excites you. You love the deep way he looks at you. It looks at you like you're an island in the middle of the ocean. He looks at you like you are the _only_ thing keeping him 'alive'. You love the way he's failing at hiding his emotions and you can see right through his act. You love the fact that you're the only one that can _read_ him, _understand_ him, see the _real_ him.

You hear him moan in pain and you can't take it anymore. You run to his side. You fall in your knees besides him and grab his hand. You lower your head and tell him in a weak voice that _everything_ is going to be ok, that _he_ will be ok.

You're lying; you're always lying when it comes to him. It's not fair, he deserves better, and you know that. He will die; no one, not even you can't stop it. There's no cure, Klaus himself said that to you. Not that you believe him, but you believe Elijah. He told you the same thing.

He did it for you, everything he did, he did it for you. He knows you so well. He can see through you, he'd always been able to do that. That's how he knew; he knew it before anyone, he knew it without you telling him…that you didn't want to become a vampire. You want to grow old, hell, grow up…you're a kid, you can't die a kid. So he fought for you, to keep you alive, and he did. You're alive; at least you think you are.

It hurts, it hurts everywhere. Your body, your mind, your soul, your heart; the excruciating pain it's the only thing that tells you you're alive. You're _alive_ and _he_ is _dying_…. You would've preferred to die and have him live. But you don't tell him that, you tell no one that. You would've taken a damned life over a life without him any day. Because you know that a life without him would be damned anyway. The world without him in it…_your_ world without him in it scares you. He made you brave. Because you knew…you knew that no matter what you do or where you are, he'll be there, watching over you. He was your guarding angel, your dark angel.

He opens his eyes slowly and stares at you. They are so blue…they gave you the impression that you're standing on the bottom of the ocean. And you're drowning…you're drowning. You don't breath, because you can't. His scent it's filling your lungs and you can't let go. You hold your breath to keep _him_ in; you know it's your last chance to do that. You want to remember every detail about him, so you just hold on to his perfume. A piece of him….

You look directly into his mesmerizing eyes. They are the most beautiful and alluring eyes you have ever seen. He is beautiful…everything about him is perfection and his perfection scares you. But you don't tell him that, you tell no one that.

It's not just his physic that draws you in. The emotions behind those silver-blue eyes of his, so many, so real…they are now wet and sparkly and they make your heart stop. You think that, once they'll close to never open again, your heart will stop to never beat again. You take a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm yourself…failed that is.

You feel Stefan's gaze on you, but you're not motivated enough to turn around. The only thing you _need_ to do now is stay _exactly_ where you are.

He squeezes your hand and tells you he's sorry he screwed up. His grip it's weak…so weak you can barely feel it. The end is close; you know that…so close. There are so many things you want to tell him right now…so many. But you can't speak, your throat hurts from the effort of holding back the tears. You want to tell him you forgive him, for everything he's ever done, you want to tell him how much he means to you…how much you needed him. God…there are so many things you want to tell him…but no time, no space, no…you don't even know what's stopping you anymore.

You think this isn't fair, you know you don't deserve him, but you need him…you need him so much….

The way he looks at you…you can tell what he's thinking. He's thinking that you don't care, that you say _nothing_ because you have _nothing_ to say. He's thinking you hate him for what he did to you. He's wrong…and it pains you that he's thinking that. You feel the pain in your chest and you let out a soft moan…agony it's taking over you. You want to explain to him that the thought of losing him forever drives you mad…slowly, but surely, mad. But the _damn_ words just don't want to come out….

He tells you in a soft voice that he doesn't deserve your grief. He does, you know he does…he deserves more than that, much more. You're angry at him, because he thinks so low of himself. You want to contradict him and yell at him, but you don't, because that's not the way you want this to end.

Your eyes hurt because you refuse to blink. You think that…if you do that, he'll vanish. You're afraid that, you're going to close your eyes only for a moment and the moment will be gone…forever; you need every moment you have left with him.

Despite your best efforts, you feel a hot tear fall from your eyes…sliding against your cheek. He stretches his hand and wipes it away. His delicate touch brings another one, then another…they're too many, you lost count. You don't know how to stop them anymore. You don't know how to pretend anymore. You place your head on his chest and you tell him…you finally tell him. The words you never had the courage to speak out loud before. The words that consumed you to the point where you convinced yourself they are not true. You finally found the straight to say them…you tell him you love him. Your voice just a whisper…you're afraid he didn't hear you, so you say it again and again and again…louder and louder until you're literally yelling. There's no reaction, because it's too late…he's not breathing anymore…his eyes are closed and they will never open again…. Your soft moans transform into shaky sobs, you grab his shirt…your grasp tight around the material, like your life deepened on it…and you cry… you cry for the man that gave his life for you….

**A/N**: I'm sorry. I know it's sad, but I hope you liked it anyway. Now, I'm still very mew at this and I would really appreciate a words to push me in the right direction! Thank you for reading!

Ps: I'm still looking for a beta-reader, so if you're interested in helping a beginner, PM me!


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